Saturday, 2 April 2016

Bugatti Vera

"Flippin' 'eck! Is that a new Bugatti Vera?"

"Oh, aye!" she said, joyfully twiddling her gearstick. "Just came through today, all the way from Italy. Best million pounds I ever spent, Nige! Well, the only million pound I've spent, ha ha ha!" She devoted a hearty cackle as she leaned back in the seat of her brand new Veyron, though Nigel shook his balding head wistfully.

"You've changed, our Vera." he spoke with a stern, though slightly regretful, intonation. "That lottery win's gone right to yer head, that has."

Sure enough, Vera had amassed quite the luxurious collection following her recent windfall; a 70 inch Smart TV, an HD-DVD player with a complete collection of its releases, a 3 week holiday to Hull, a chicken farm, a golden bathtub, a bag of crisps and a signed photo of Karin Vogel, the last person in line to the British throne. Not to mention the veritable beast of a carriage she presently resided in, its matte black bodywork attempting to glisten in the afternoon sunlight. Although, this was not the only item of interest the lady had accrued from the Italian firm.

"Here Nige, gerra look at what else they have!" she exclaimed, producing a brightly-coloured, conical device.

Once he had produced his glasses for a closer look, Nigel cast a puzzled expression. "What's that then, some sort of fancy-pancy loudspeaker?"

"Not quite," answered Vera. "Believe it or not, this is one of their kettles! I never knew they even made kettles, ha ha ha!" She broke into laughter once more, possibly at the significant absurdity of the situation.

"Really?" went Nigel, as he leaned in curiously. "Looks quite nice. What's the capacity, 1.7?"

"1.75, actually!" replied Vera. "Looks like our Enid will be stopping round quite a while longer during tomorrow's Biscuits & Battlestar Galactica morning!"

"Right. Oh yeah," Nigel remembered. "How's Enid been lately? last I heard from Norman she was still recovering from her broken chair."

"Ah, she's doing fine love," Vera started. "She'll be even better when I show her our lovely new kettle! It's cordless, this one!"

Nigel gave a polite nod and a grin. Vera continued: "2000 watts of power and all, not to be sniffed at. But have a look at this!" She exposed the protruding handle of the appliance to her aging neighbour.

"Buttons, right." Nigel responded.

"Not just any buttons!" followed Vera. "There's this modern digital display here, see? You can actually set the exact temperature your water boils at! In't it marvellous?"

"By gum, that's bloody amazing!" Nigel said, offering an assuring raise of his brows. "So er, what's the damage then? How much did that set yer back?"

"Hundred and eighty-nine pounds!" boasted Vera.

Nigel flinched back in astonishment, almost fixing his tired back in the process. "By 'eck, Vera!" came the reaction. "Well, happen it's about right. Suppose you are living the life of luxury these days."

"Not half, Nige!" answered a beaming Vera, as she returned the item to the passanger floor of her prime Italian motor from whence it came, and readied the gears for her next thrilling journey.

"Right then!" started Nigel, returning his glasses to his top pocket. "You'll be off with the rest of the old lot down the bingo now, are yer?"

"The bingo?" exclaimed Vera. "You cheeky old bugger! I'm 23!"